oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
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