i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize