On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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