I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
he wants to bone in the snuggie
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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