i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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