Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
