my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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