Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
