I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
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