Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Randomize
