I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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