Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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