No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
