Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
