Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
