If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize
