I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
