just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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