why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Randomize
