the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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