Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize
