she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
He did a backflip because drugs
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
