I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
You've changed since you got that strap on
Randomize
