I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Randomize
