I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
