areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
