I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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