yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
