considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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