I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
