my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
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