just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
