It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Randomize
