i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Randomize
