dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
