I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Randomize
