Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
