New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Randomize