I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
