If that was your dad, he is hot
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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