yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
