Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Randomize
