I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
