Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Randomize
