mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
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