His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Randomize
