All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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