They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
