Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
