Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
