Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
