I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
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