Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
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