Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Randomize
