You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
