I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
