Little spoons don't ask big questions
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
