Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
