we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
