i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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