What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Randomize
