i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
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