How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
