dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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