it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Randomize
