After last night, I could never be a politician.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
