I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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