You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
