My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Randomize
